


words from your heart and from your mouth

by Miaou Jones (miaoujones)



Category: Haikyuu!!, ダイヤのA | Daiya no A | Ace of Diamond
Genre: F/M, Friendship, Future Fic, Intimacy, Love Confessions, M/M, Multi, Polyamory Negotiations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-12
Updated: 2015-09-12
Packaged: 2018-04-20 08:32:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4780706
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miaoujones/pseuds/Miaou%20Jones
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The first time Miyuki and Kiyoko meet, Chris is nervous, Kiyoko is gracious, and looking at the two of them Miyuki feels betrayed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	words from your heart and from your mouth

The first time Miyuki and Kiyoko meet, Chris is nervous, Kiyoko is gracious, and looking at the two of them Miyuki feels betrayed.

This is the first time he feels sure that Chris knows about his feelings and has for a while. And Chris has never said anything, and he's not saying anything now, and his fiancée is gorgeous and elegant and supersmart, everything Chris deserves. And she's also nice. She's so goddamn nice, which means that Chris could talk to her about Miyuki's feelings when he's never talked to Miyuki about it, never even let on that he knew. And somehow that hurts so fucking much that all Miyuki can do is smile like it's going out of style and he has to use all of the smiles he's saved up during his lifetime on this one weekend, because all those smiles will be worthless after this.

Miyuki is supposed to be visiting for five days. By the third day he's made himself sick with smiling, and it's especially bad because he can see on their faces that neither one of them is buying the smiles—but these grins are all he has. So when they go out that afternoon, he declines the invitation to join them. Once they leave, he lets the smiles fall away and spends more time than he should writing a note thanking them for their hospitality and apologizing for his hasty departure; in this, the fourth and final version of the note, he's given up offering a reason. They know and he knows they know, and since apparently his thing with Chris is not talking about the things everyone knows, there's no reason to say anything in the note.

He goes into the guest room and packs quickly but not carelessly. When he comes out, he freezes in his tracks: he didn't hear them come back but Kiyoko is standing there reading the note.

Chris isn't with her, though; it's just her. She puts down the note, glances at the suitcase in his hand. "When is your train?"

"I don't know." He hasn't booked a ticket. His plan is to go to the station and get on the first train out.

A few strands of hair have fallen into her face and she lifts a hand to tuck them back behind her ear. "Then you have some time." She doesn't smile or anything, she just looks really calm, and Miyuki thinks he's at least as envious of that as he is of her fiancé. She reaches into one of the shopping bags and he immediately recognizes the label of the saké bottle she pulls out. "It would be a shame if I had to drink this alone. Chris doesn't care for Ippin Junmai but he mentioned once that you do."

Miyuki puts down his suitcase and goes over to get two cups while she opens the bottle. "It seems you have good taste in all things," he says, the grin coming to his face without thinking about it.

She doesn't grin back, of course. Saké pours into the cup as she looks up, looks him right in the eye and says, quietly pointed, "So do you."

Oh. The grin fades from Miyuki's mouth but it doesn't feel as uncomfortable as he thought it would, to stand here stripped of everything like this.

Now that Kiyoko has broken the seal on the open secret, the two of them are able to relax in one another's company. They're drinking too, which makes everything warmer. Miyuki thought Kiyoko had been relaxed all along but she's even more so now, goofing around with him, suggesting they swap glasses at one point (which they do, until the double blur of inebriation and the wrong prescription stops being fun), and Miyuki can see more and more why Chris fell for her. He just—he really just wants Chris to be happy. He feels so stupid for how much he let things hurt, because it's not like he ever really thought he was the one who could make Chris happy...

He didn't mean to say all that aloud but when Kiyoko says, "You mean so much to him," he thinks maybe he did.

Miyuki's gaze snaps to her and away again just as quickly. "Not what you mean to him, though." If he's never going to talk about any of this again, and he can't imagine how or why he would, he may as well get it all out now.

He feels her hand on his face. The touch is soft and warm, and he likes it that Chris will feel such a touch for the rest of his life. He goes with the touch and isn't surprised to find himself looking at her again.

Their eyes meet. "You mean things to him no one else ever has, and no one else ever will."

Miyuki believes her. He might believe her even more than he would if Chris said such a thing, because there's no reason for her to say anything that isn't true.

Kiyoko wants to hear about him and Chris. Miyuki has never had the chance to talk about it; he didn't know until this weekend how much he's wanted to. But it still feels strange, to talk to Kiyoko instead of Chris. "Pretend I'm Chris," she says. "If he were here, if this were happening with him—what would you want?"

Miyuki really, really wants to let everything out, but, "He's not here, though. You're not him."

"Pretend."

He really wants to... but... "I don't know if I can."

"Okay." She sets down the bottle they've been sharing, drinking out of it directly after the first poured cups, and gets up. "Wait here."

Miyuki drinks a little as he waits but it's not as much fun alone and he's just toying with the mouth of the bottle when she comes back. He turns when she says, "How's this? Will this help?"

His mouth comes open as he looks at her: she's wearing a Seidou baseball uniform. It must be one of Chris' old ones. She looks—well, she doesn't look like Chris did in it and it's too big on her. But she looks good. Or at least Miyuki likes the way she looks.

It's only when she smiles back that he realizes he's been smiling honestly.

So they start talking. Miyuki still isn't ready to give up in words all his feelings about Chris and Kiyoko doesn't push. They do talk, though, and directly and indirectly they talk about Chris. Miyuki doesn't know which of them turns the conversation to sex but when he says that even with the uniform, she wouldn't be Chris in bed, Kiyoko says he'd be surprised what she can achieve with her tongue and fingers. Hearing such suggestive things in her soft-spoken voice is ridiculously hot to Miyuki, the heat overriding any embarrassment he might have otherwise felt, and somehow he relaxes even more.

By the time Chris makes it back, both of them are in his old uniforms, an evident flush of alcohol on their skin, Kiyoko curled up on the sofa, Miyuki sprawled out on it with his head in her lap as she strokes his hair.

When Chris crosses to them and kneels by the sofa, Miyuki turns his head in Kiyoko's lap without lifting it to look at him. "I want you to be happy, Chris." Miyuki doesn't know where the words came from—no, of course he knows, and he thinks it's okay to let these words out of his heart. He feels himself smile, not on the surface but from so much deeper. It doesn't feel bad to smile like this, and the sigh he lets out doesn't feel bad either. He feels lighter inside; lighter and yet full. "You're going to be." He turns his head to glance up at Kiyoko, meeting her gaze, still smiling when he turns back to Chris. "I really think you're going to be."

It's a confession; the closest to a love confession Miyuki will ever come. Chris isn't smiling but Miyuki feels his own smile steady and settle in him as they look at each other.

Then Chris leans down to kiss him. Miyuki sees it coming and gets his hand between them, pushing against Chris' chest. "You don't have to."

Chris doesn't push back against the hand but he doesn't let it push him away as he holds the gaze. "What if I want to."

Miyuki's mouth has no idea what to do. There are no words in it, no smile; his mouth is empty in a way he doesn't ever remember it being.

"Chris, you're being confusing." There's a soft admonishment in Kiyoko's voice but an encouragement as well. She shifts so she can reach him with her free hand, brushing back his hair.

Miyuki's hand drops as Chris sits back. The gaze between them doesn't break; Miyuki watches in his eyes as Chris tries to organize himself, tries to find words. Words for _him_. Kiyoko's fingers in his hair remind Miyuki to keep breathing while he waits for them.

"There were so many nights at Seidou when I wanted to knock on your door, to get into bed with you. Not to fool around." Chris' eyes slide away as he searches for the next words. "I've felt close to you since the day we met. There are a lot of people who wouldn't understand that but I know you do." He looks back to Miyuki. "I know you felt it too."

Miyuki nods.

"There were days at Seidou when I." Chris' gaze flickers; he swallows. Miyuki feels something lodge at the base of his own throat. He wants to tell Chris it's okay, he doesn't have to look for the words, he doesn't have to say anything about those days.

Kiyoko reaches for Chris' hand and, still looking at Miyuki, Chris takes it. Then he looks down and Miyuki thinks about how he's going to feel when Chris looks up into Kiyoko's eyes, and he thinks—he doesn't think he's lying to himself, he really thinks it will be okay. Okay enough for him to look at the way they look at each other. He hasn't done enough of that this weekend and he regrets that now, even though there's no way he could have done it before this.

Chris inhales audibly as he opens his eyes and looks at Miyuki (not, in this one moment, at Kiyoko) and Miyuki feels his own breath catch. "There were days at Seidou when it was hard for me to feel anything. But sometimes on those days, when I looked at you." Chris sighs; his voice is even softer when he goes on. "I would look at you, and I would remember the feeling I got when I met you, and I wanted it. I wanted to feel close to you." This time when Chris' eyes close, Miyuki doesn't feel he's looking away. "I just wanted to lie down with you and feel close to you."

The lump is still in Miyuki's throat. He swallows a few times and it breaks up, some of the weight floating up behind his eyes. At least he should be able to get words out now, so he tries. "You could have done that. I would have..."

"I know," Chris says. "I know you would have done anything I wanted." It aches a little to hear it like that, the way Chris says it, but Miyuki can't say it's not true. "That's why I couldn't do anything. You meant too much to me—I didn't want to risk losing that closeness by exploiting it."

Those words are still trying to find a place to settle in Miyuki when Chris says, "But it got lost anyhow, after Seidou. I think I." Another sigh. Chris pushes his hair back again. "I didn't want to take something from you that I couldn't give in return and I—I think maybe I shut out too much."

Miyuki struggles to sit up, thankful for Kiyoko's help in coordinating his limbs. He leans forward, pressing his fingers to his temples, as if that will push the weight behind his eyes back.

He thinks Chris is done so he's unprepared for Chris to say, "I miss feeling close to you. I miss you."

"You don't." Feeling like he's about to choke on his own breath, Miyuki breaks off. He runs through an inhale-exhale cycle twice to make sure he can breathe properly. "We can do that, if you want. We can just lie down together, if that's something you... Anyhow, you don't have to kiss me."

Chris doesn't say anything for long enough that Miyuki looks up at him. When their eyes meet, Chris says, "Then—can we do that now?"

Miyuki pushes down everything trying to rise up inside him as he nods. He turns to Kiyoko. "You, too."

The smile she gives him is small and sincere and rare, and Miyuki has no choice but to believe her when she says it's all right for him and Chris to have this for themselves.

"But." Miyuki feels his brow furrow as he fumbles for the words, fumbles inside himself for an understanding of what he's feeling. "I don't mind. Because you and Chris are close too, right? So I can be close with him and you can be close with him, and maybe it would be okay to share that together sometimes... Maybe I could be allowed to feel it just once," he sighs, "that closeness you have..." He doesn't feel like he's getting anywhere close to the words he wants; they just keep drifting out of reach and his tongue is too thick and clumsy in his mouth to catch them.

Her hand rubs along his spine and he arches and stretches into the touch. He closes his eyes and hears them talking—something about wanting and alrightness and how Miyuki is too out of it right now—

"No, I'm not." He opens his eyes and sits up, which is a little strange because he thought he'd already been sitting up, but never mind that. The important thing is, "I'm not too drunk or out of it." He tries to come up with reasons and arguments but it's really hard to logic right now so he settles for the first word that crosses his tongue: "Please."

They don't make him beg or even ask twice. The three of them go to bed, Miyuki in the middle even though he argues Chris should be—but when Kiyoko asks if he doesn’t want to sleep in the middle of their closeness, to feel it wrap all around him, Miyuki can't deny he does want that. He also can't deny how admiring he is of the way Kiyoko can word when she's had that much to drink, and as they all settle in he tells Chris with bone marrow-deep sincerity that he chose such a really good and great girl...

That night all they do is sleep. In the morning, though, there is touching and kissing and words Miyuki believes, words from his heart and his mouth and words from theirs.


End file.
